“I no longer need to take part in the competition of the big brains. Participating [in the process] has always seemed to me to be an awful type of slavery no less evil than the passion for money or power.” ~Albert Einstein
Years ago I had a Buddha statue inside my house near my front door, he’s outside now. The Buddha’s hands were empty, so I would put a card in them with some quote or an idea that I liked. The kids would read it and usually laugh at me. Or replace the card with something ridiculous, but very funny, that they wrote such as “The frog only wore a vest while riding his bicycle to the doughnut shop.” One day I wrote on a card, “Whenever you act with love, you are right.” As I drove to work that day it was all I could think of. I wondered whether or not it was true. I debated it for a while, with myself, and decided it was true, but that there is a difference between acting with love and intending to act with love. We must be able to discern the difference between acting with love or acting in ego, which is acting in fear.
Parents often say that they are acting with love when they think they are doing something in their child’s best interest, but often they are acting out of fear. They may make their child go to college, even though the child finds classrooms and any indoor occupation stifling, because they fear that the child will not make enough money in a job which isn’t predicated upon a college education. They think they are acting with love, but they are acting based on fear of lack. Lack is one of the most prominent fears in the human mind. It prevents so many people from doing what they love or from taking risks to attain their dream life. Many people have led a life of misery due to their parent’s indoctrination of fear. If this happened to you, you can now take control of your life and take action out of love rather than fear.
Parents even hit or abuse their children under the guise of love, though love is never violent or angry. Violence and anger come from fear. The parent does not know how to properly teach a child and without thought, but just as a learned habit, uses punishment as a form of teaching. They are using negative reinforcement. And, they most certainly are reinforcing the negative, because when they teach a child that violence is a means to resolve issues they are a long way from love. Love means explaining with patience, it means accepting mistakes with grace, and giving a child what they need with unconditional acceptance of who they are. It means loving them even when we are afraid that, like us, they may not be as good as the other kids. It means not comparing and not judging.
In relationships we sometimes hold on to people we should let go, not because we love them. If they would be happier without us then loving them would be letting them go. If we would be happier without them then loving ourselves would be letting them go. Sometimes we hold on to them even after they have gone. We hold on to them because we fear being alone. We fear that we are unlovable. We fear separation.
Whenever you act, look at your motives. I was once betrayed by someone very, very close to me. I wrote them a letter and asked a friend to read it and let me know what he thought. He read the letter and said, “Well, it depends what you’re trying to accomplish here. If you’re trying to piss him off, it’s a great letter.” It’s one of those cases of, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” I, obviously, was not acting from a place of love. I was not being conciliatory or forgiving. I was still acting out of fear. Fear of rejection and betrayal. Fear of being misrepresented. Fear of being wrong. Fear of loss. Fear of being unlovable.
When we always want to be better than others; better looking, better at sports, better at making money, better at cooking, better at dancing, better at parenting, better at giving, better at fashion, better at volunteering, better at relationships, better at intellectual pursuits, better at anything, we are not acting with love. When we are in competition, we are acting from fear. Fear that we are less than others; inferior. Fear that they are better than us, superior. Fear that the people we associate with will find out that we are really just a mess like everyone else.
There are so many fears, one of the biggest being fear of embarrassment, the fear of looking foolish or unworthy to others. When we learn to laugh at ourselves it is a big step in giving up that fear. Fear of saying or doing the wrong thing can be paralyzing to some. Realize that we all make mistakes and, more importantly, that everyone cares about your mistakes a lot less than you may think. They’re usually too worried about what others think of them. Stop caring about what others think. Care only about acting with love. And, give other people a break. They’re doing the best they can.
When we compare ourselves to others we are giving in to the belief in separation. We are all one, so why compare and compete? When one of us wins we are all raised up, when one of us loses we are all defeated. Let’s think about our lives and others as though we are one, because we are.
When we give up fear, we act with love. Whenever we act with love, we are right.
Some loving affirmations:
- I recognize when I am acting with fear and make corrections in my thinking and actions.
- I act with love with all beings.
- I care only about doing what is right and acting with love.
- I accept all beings as they are.
- I am a worthy and loving being.
- I laugh at my mistakes and learn from them.
- I am love.
Imagine that you walk into a crowded square and there are lots of children there. You begin giving each child a gift. They each open their gift and are so happy. What do they find when they open the gift?