“I know what’s wrong, dear fellow, but I don’t know how to turn it off.” ~Albert Einstein
We’ve talked about how changing our thoughts and emotions can have a positive influence on our lives and I’m sure at one point or another you’ve said, “Sure, easy to say, but when you’re in the middle of it, it’s not so easy to do.” It’s true, it’s not easy to do. We all have sad or angry or anxious emotional experiences, what some call “negative” emotions. What a terrible place this world would be if we didn’t. We need this duality of emotions. How can we feel joy if we haven’t felt despair? This is part of what makes us human. We help each other through difficult times. We love and support each other.
If you’ve lost someone, whether it’s through death, divorce, or distance; no matter what the reason, you are going to feel sad. That’s only natural. Fighting your feelings of sadness is only going to cause more conflict in your emotions. Instead, allow those feelings. Look at them. Give yourself permission to be sad for as long as it takes. Watch how the emotion takes over your physical body as you cry or scream. Know that though you feel sad it will pass. It may come back, and that’s okay. We have to feel these emotions or they won’t let go. Fighting somethng is giving energy to it. When we can, watching our emotions really helps. For some reason, taking a step back while you feel sadness or anger or whatever it is that you’re feeling, and being present with it, helps. It’s almost like watching someone else feel the emotion, though as you’ll see, you’ll definitely feel them. I don’t know why, but after we stay with these emotions for as long as we need to, we can leave them, knowing they may come back, but also knowing that we can live with them and, very importantly, function with them. Everyone has their own way of grieving, a personal way of living with loss, allow yourself grief. You may feel overwhelmed at times, please know that you are loved. Again, whether through death, divorce, or distance the loss is a sadness. During holidays, celebrations, anniversaries, birthdays, it will return full force. When you lose another person, all the other losses will come back full force. Feel them, love yourself through them. Allow yourself these feelings.
If someone betrays us we are going to feel hurt. Even if we lose them because we have grown in different ways, it’s going to hurt. We need to feel that sadness or anger. It’s not just going to dissipate by itself. When we feel these “negative” emotions we don’t need to judge ourselves and wonder why we can’t control our emotions. With some time we will be able to control them if the circumstances call for it, but with a fresh wound we need to stop the bleeding and go through the pain until we can adapt to it and find ways to function with it. The wounds will heal with enough time. It is good to know that all things have a season. There may always be a feeling of loss, but the despair will pass. Sometimes the feeling of loss will be replaced with beautiful memories. The love will always be present.
You are the love. You are the one that makes you happy. The first time you realize that you are really happy after a period of grief it is usually a relief, but often frightening because you realize that you can go on without the person that you lost. It may be frightening because you are afraid, on a deep level, that if you attach to the happiness you will experince loss again. You probably will experience loss again. When you lose someone through death, it may seem as though you are betraying that person, there may be a feeling of guilt that you survived the loss. Allow this emotion, too. Don’t judge. Just be and love yourself.
You will experience happiness again. I don’t mean the person you lost didn’t add to your life or that you didn’t love them, but your happiness was never dependent on them. They may have been part of the experience, a very important part of your journey, but the happiness has always been internal. They may have been a huge part of your life, but they were not the cause of your happiness or your pain. You are the love and you are the joy.
Every loss we’ve had, whether it’s a person, a way or life, or a thing, happened to us for a reason. It has helped us grow. It has made us who we are. If we can allow ourselves to experience that loss and feel that loss we will be better for it. And all of our losses will bring us to a place where we have a deeper knowing of who we are. We are not this body we live in. We are an eternal being of love. In eternity we have everything.
Allowing ourselves to feel deep dark emotions without judgment is so very important. Self love is our way of healing and if we are condemning ourselves then we are not loving ourselves. Everyone goes through the darkness. If they don’t then they can’t heal. Accept that you need some time to feel sad or angry. Love yourself through it. Nurture yourself through it. With this wonderful self love you will heal. The universe will recognize that you love youraelf and are allowing yourself time to heal. It will help you remember who you are. Take your time and allow yourself whatever you need to get back on your path to bliss. It will still be there when you’re ready.
I allow myself time to heal.
I nurture myself when I need it.
I respect my feelings and allow them to teach and heal me.
I am grateful for the love I feel for myself.
I am grateful for all who help me in the dark times on my journey.
I know that I am the love and happiness.
Imagine yourself enveloped in a warm, soft cloud and rest there peacefully whenever you need respite from the world.